


Cross My Heart

by kycantina



Series: jeankasa spy au [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, F/M, Fluff and Angst, One of My Favorites, repost from july 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 17:24:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21413881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kycantina/pseuds/kycantina
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein
Series: jeankasa spy au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1543702
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Cross My Heart

_ “It’s fine, stop worrying about me.”  _

It was one of those nights where Jean couldn't stop thinking; running over her details in his head, couldn't stop noticing the cold side of his bed. "She's safe." He muttered to himself. She wasn't, really, they both knew it. The bittersweet emptiness was just a reminder. Mikasa had left four months ago. Left wasn't the right word, but she wasn't any closer. Jean wasn't sure why he was surprised, Agent Ackerman was always taking risky missions. That was one of the first things he learned after taking the job. Being an office worker for Eldia's elite private forces was crazy enough, somehow romancing one of the country's top spies even more. Jean ran a finger around the thin golden band on his ring finger. Mikasa had insisted on it; she wasn't allowed to bring personal items, anything to tie her elsewhere than wherever the helicopter took her. At least one of them should bear a physical mark of each other's love. Sometimes, when he got a free moment at work, he knew from her schedule. On those rare, beautiful situations, the agency gave them time to say goodbye, cheap kisses and resonating words. Mikasa had always told him not to worry, scolded him, even. She'd done this a million times before, infiltrating another drug cartel was old hand, boring. It wasn't like Jean ever believed her anyways. Most times, it ended like this, an abandoned ring on top of a hastily scribbled post-it note. 

_ "Don't worry, back in 2-3. Love you so so much."  _

He felt hollow every time. They had support groups for this sort of thing, wives of soldiers who everyone knew weren't coming back. Mikasa was a month or so late. Jean already knew she wasn't coming home. The phone call would be coming any day. Any day. It wasn't any more reassuring. 

4:16 am. The trilling phone feels like a dream, an often repeated nightmare whose terrors you'd come to expect. The words are on his lips before he can stop himself. 

"Tell it so me straight, Yeager." Jean took her trademark scarf in his lap, running a hand down it, as if it were a cat. Death was no stranger to Eldia, after losing so many friends and former lovers, he half expected it to take his fiancee too. Part of him regretted retiring from the service.

"We're landing in forty, it was a hell of a mission. She's a fucking badass, you got lucky, Kirstein." 

He breathed a sigh of relief. "I'll be there. Thank you so much." 

Their wasn't anything like it, the eerie pre-dawn experience, sitting in the car with his pyjamas on, the heat on too, waiting for the helicopter, surrounded by all sorts of landing lights. 

Mikasa was caked in dirt and grime, covered in tiny scars and looking like death itself, but she couldn't be more beautiful. The first kiss is the sweetest, the tiny whispered words ("I love you." "I told you not to worry" etc.). Jean liked to help her shower when they got home, washing her hair after months of abuse, bandaging the little cuts, massaging life into her sore muscles. The best part was feeling her next to him, soft, alive. God, Jean wished he could go back. 

For now, the sheets were still empty. "Do you ever think," He mumbled out loud. "How it might have been?" Her ring still sits on his nightstand, a sole companion through the cold nights. Jean still remembered Eren' s voice. "Negative, mission unsuccessful. Agent Ackerman is missing in action." 

It had taken six months to presume her dead, not much he could do about it now. The phone, abandoned on the table, began to buzz. 

_ "Didn't I tell you to stop worrying? I said I'd be fine." _


End file.
